yesallboys

I inadvertently discovered today’s topic when I checked one of my cafemom boards and read a post from a distraught mother whose beloved 2 year old son keeps hitting, despite her attempts to discipline and explain that hitting hurts people. This led me to one of my favorite soapboxes, upon which standing makes me feel all-powerful and all-knowing. Okay, not really, but it sounded good.

The common problem this poor mom’s post is related to is the fact that we all tell our children not to express their feelings. This is not in relation to how good our parenting is, but more in relation to the fact that we tend to concentrate more on their expression of anger in a negative way and take steps to squelch that behavior; in fact, we should be encouraging such expression, but in a positive manner. It is fine to send Tommy to time-out when he repeatedly hits his little brother, but what are we doing afterwards to show him HOW to express that anger in the future in a constructive manner?

How much easier would it be for little Hayley to show that she is angry by drawing it out on a piece of paper, rather than smashing her little brother’s fingers in the door because he won’t get out of her room? Jonny might be healthier on an emotional level if he was allowed to display his anger on his pillow, rather than kicking his friends in the shin. Encourage them to TALK to  you about their feelings and the situation that caused them, rather than straight up disciplining for everything and unconsciously asserting that they should keep their feelings hidden. When they talk, close that flapper and LISTEN to them. Let them get it all out without fear of punishment or judgement.

Too often we forget that even though they are not adults, they need ways to express their feelings. It’s up to us to teach them healthy outlets rather than squash any hope of them ever expressing anything, particularly in a healthy way. Come up with what best fits the needs of your child, because no two children are alike. What works for one may not work for another.

It is up to us to bring emotionally healthy children into the world to lead the next generation. Will you get on the bandwagon?

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