yesallboys

I went to my second ever meeting of MOPS today. That’s Mothers of Preschoolers. Our speaker was a psychologist who spoke on parenting, setting an example, and dealing with a strong-willed child. Now my 3 year old is particularly a VERY strong-willed child. He’s loving and snuggly, but if it’s not his idea, he’ll have none of it and loudly let you know.

I spoke with the speaker afterwards because I can’t count how many times I’ve come to the end of my rope when NOTHING works for discipline. She suggested I put him in a room with half a door or a baby gate up and just sit him in there for his time out (he bounces in and out of corners, doesn’t work). She advised that for awhile he’ll probably scream and carry on but if I stick to it, it will work. This was coming from a mother of 4 very strong-willed children so I figured she knew what she was talking about (not to mention her degree).

As if to punctuate my talk with her, I went to get Gabriel out of his classroom and he wanted to stay and play. I ended up dragging a screaming, crying, kicking child out of the room and outside while clutching desperately on to my sleeping almost 7 month old baby. Talented? Yes, I am.

Gabriel definitely responds to positivity much better than negativity, but I’m not wired for that. In my day you got a spanking or were grounded. In this day we’re all about positive reinforcement and positive discipline over negative punishment. A fine line is drawn between negative punishment (i.e. spanking) and negative discipline (time-outs, losing privileges).

The biggest (and best) point she made today was that everyone’s children are different. Some are passive, some are aggressive, some are outgoing, and some are introverted. Each child reacts to things in their own individual way. Each needs their own form of parenting and guidance to bring out the best in them and curb the worst. And it is very hard for parents of passive children to understand why the parents of aggressive, strong-willed children have a harder time handling them.

If you have a strong-willed child, you are definitely not alone. You are also not along in the fact that they require special care and handling as opposed to the passive, easy-going child. Don’t overwhelm them with a bunch of rules. Focus on a small handful (the psychologist recommended 3 or 4 for a 3 year old), and work on consistency with them. Find the technique that works best and be aware that no method of discipline is 100% effective or foolproof. There will be days that nothing seems to work. Somehow, we get through them, exhausted and ready to hibernate for the winter. These days, however, are overshadowed by the sunny days of mass cooperation we all yearn for.

Give your child a hug today. And work with them, not against them.

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